Christians & Divorce

Bookmark and Share

For me, divorce was NEVER EVER an option I even considered. My parents had been married for 30+ years and so had the parents of my husband. Nevertheless, even with those great family stats in our favor, it happened!

But once it happened to me, I truly see what people mean when they say “unless you’ve walked in my shoes, don’t judge me” and surely, don’t try to tell me how I should feel, act, react, not react etc …

Dr. Myles Munro, in his book, Single, Married, Separated, Divorced (which I will argue is the BEST book out there on the subject)  likens divorce in many ways to experiencing the death of a spouse. However, he goes on to explain, that divorce is something God didn’t necessarily give us mechanisms to handle, since IT IS NOT, a part of His ordained will.

Then the more I began to unexpectedly interact with those in similar situations, the more I realized, how ill-equipped the body of Christ is when it comes to really nurturing Christians through divorce. Not to mention, when you really believe God has told you to STAND in FAITH for restoration and reconciliation or to just chill.

So, that’s why I started this blog. I want to provide a safe haven, where those in similar situations can see that they’re not alone and where others can come and really see, get and understand The Truth About Christians & Divorce. Check back daily as you’ll find daily posts by me and other guests too.

26 comments

  1. Karen Swim says:

    Dwann, I applaud you for your openness and honesty. We cannot simply pretend that divorce does not happen and leave those who are hurting without a support system. I have never been divorced but will be reading to understand how I can nurture and support those going through this difficult time. Thank you for answering the call, I know that many will be blessed.

  2. Andrea says:

    I completely agree. I was a young and a new practicing Christian when I faced divorce. I felt the church minitered to me at pre-marital but left me high and dry as the divorce happened.I look forward to reading your blog. Education and a support system is great.

  3. Dwann says:

    Hey Karen,
    Thanks for stopping by and for your “applause” @Andrea, that’s what this is all about, giving folks a place to be open and honest, as Karen put it and to really help those who, also feel as though they’ve been “left, high and dry” to a certain extent.
    Spread the word.

  4. Alicia says:

    Thank you so much for this Dwann. I was asked for a divorce by my husband in February of 2009, almost one year ago. I do not understand and never will, I don’t guess, why he hurt me so much. It has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to face in every way. I have since started back to college. I am studying cosmetology. Hopefully I will get the job, one day when I graduate, that I need to support myself and my 13 year old daughter. He was a minister and Sunday School Teacher. He has also been in ministry school for almost 5 years working on a doctorate degree in Theology. But he goes on to tell me how he had prayed about this and that God told him to divorce me. I have tried to figure out where I went wrong. What did I do….you know….just all the things that run through a person’s mind. He has hurt me and our daughters so bad. Please pray for us as I know that you will. We have been so hurt mentally, physically, and financially by this.

    Prayers and Blessings to you, my friend and sister in Christ,

    Alicia

  5. admin says:

    Alicia,
    I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Just know, don’t blame yourself and realize, it’s really NOT even about you. When DIVORCE comes to Christian marriages like this (yours & mine) I realize that it really is a attack of the enemy. That’s what he comes to do”steal, kill and destroy” Check out my post on that today.
    Thanks for stopping by,
    Dwann

  6. andy says:

    well, it’s a big set-up for failure, somone says, “till death do you part..” thats like saying, you are going to know everything thats going to happen untill you die.

  7. Shay says:

    This blog is long overdue, so “Thank You”. As several have expressed, it is tough learning to follow Christ while going through one of the very things (divorce) spoken against in our corporate worship (pulpits). Previously married for 8 years and now, having been divorced for over 6 years has been an undescribable experience. One can never know so much hurt, pain, betrayal, etc. than going through a divorce. Hindsight shows me that I hardly have any memories of my first year and a half following the divorce because of the mental stress I was under. Yet…God was there! He knew what was best for me. I went through the normal (grief) phases and now, believe..scratch that, I know it has made me the strong victor I was meant to be. The peace that is spoken of in I Cor. 7:15, called by God is present. I still believe in the holy institution of marriage and that there could possibly be a day where I may become a wife again, but this time under HIS ok. But since that time, I have journaled (which is a highly useful activity) on and off and moved into this thing, called Life. My gates opened spiritually, professionally (self employment since 2005) and I have learned so much about myself and who God really intended for me to be. I live purposely, with intent to accomplish the things He has breathed into me. I am learning and still learning to heed his call to action. If God tells me to do something, I am doing it! No more second guessing the Holy Spirit and no more waiting for the approval of people. I know what it’s like to go through divorce with no support, three children, left with no car, a job paying less than market value, etc. But it was our GOD that helped dry the tears, strengthen my walk, plant the vision and birth new life. All I can say, is SEEK HIM! He will do the rest….

  8. Dwann Olsen says:

    @Andy, thanks so much for stopping by. Appreciate your comments. You are correct, many people feel that “committing to “until death ” is unrealistic. But there are still some who really take marriage as an important covenant that warrants such commitment, sacrifice and endurance.
    @ Shay, I’m so glad you shared your story. You’re right about the pain. It can be equated to the grief one feels when losing someone in death. So glad, to see how God has healed you. I look forward to seeing your comments. Please SHARE this page with your community. Just hit the SHARE button above these comments or at the end of every post. Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
    Dwann

  9. Jon says:

    Where does my wife and fall into these discussions? We met while living 3,000 miles apart and in different countries. We got married in Vermont while she tried to give up her entire life and family back home. She brought her 9yr old with her. We struggled with my guilt for her leaving everything behind and her with a entirely new environment. It became too much for us and she went back home. Then I tried the same thing. But I couldn’t take my two kids with me. And we failed again. I need my kids near me.
    Now Divorce is hanging over us because of the drain and the constant failures we endured. Our love is so very strong. Deep down in our hearts we know we belong together. Our only hope is to wait this out until the kids are off to college and we can start our lives together. I’m so afraid that we won’t be able to put the need of companionship and the everyday desires of a marriage on the back burner long enough. Every single day is another day we miss being with each other and that hurt and frustration gets to be too much for us.
    Help!!!!!

  10. sue says:

    I can tell you that I have not read anything about this topic before. I have heard alot of people telling me what the bible says aout divorce (whick doesn’t help). We were married thirty plus years and then I divorced him. If anyone out there think just because you arethe one who files, that it doesn’t hurt them well you are wrong. It tore me up on the inside. I know I did the right thing, I made it a matter of pay, it was not a rash decession, was with a very heavy heart that I walked away. I had fought for one and half years before giving up. I thought I would lose my mind. after two years after the fact., it still hurts. because when you truly love someone with all your heart and made him your life you don’t feel complete. The only thing I hav going for me is we are still friends. I can be near him without being with him. God knows I need that and has made a way for us. But I know even though the bible speaks out about divorce, I know God is there with us while we as christian go thru something that is undescribablely painful, carrying us thru, to be able to face another day. The poem “FOOTPRINTS ” is so true. We can’t walk anymore so He carries us thru the desert. thank you for obeying the ead of the Holy Spirit.

  11. Dwann Olsen says:

    @Jon, thanks for sharing your story with us. That’s one to definitely take up in prayer.
    I can feel your hurt through your post. Seems like there may be some missing pieces. Thought I know it would be hard to give all the details via this blog. Feel free to email me offline though…
    @Sue, 30+ years, WOW! Yes, God is there with each of us. I’m so glad you found us. I look forward to us all sharing with each other and keeping these sensitive situations lifted in prayer.

  12. At a high point in my ministry, while ministering to crowds each week, i thought i had a solid marriage. Then one day, my husband told me that he had decided that he didnt want to be married anymore and with that he walked out leaving me in financial ruin, and within one year i lost my marriage, my home, and my job. I was in total shock because i didnt know that there was a such thing as an “option c” in the vows we had taken 5 years prior.

    That was in 2007. I have had to rebuild my entire life from scratch. Im still climbing, trusting God, and getting better, becoming wiser, each and every day. Now I have to really make sure that I am not so closed and so guarded that I shut out the opportunity to love again.

    Thanks for sharing your story. its refreshing to know that others can appreciate and understand what I have walked thru without being judgemental.

    Peace~
    Dr. Jacki Jones

  13. Dwann Olsen says:

    Dr. Jacki,
    Wow, what a story. . Sounds a bit familiar. Whew! Thanks for sharing. I know it’s not always easy. I hear you! We have no choice but to rebuild, keep climbing and TRUSTING God at all cost, knowing we will become wiser day after day.

  14. Great topic Dawn! You seem to have such a balanced approach. I love the fact that you are ready to reconcile and restore everyone through this situation. Yet you have not compromised and condoned it in any way. That’s a hard balance to reach yet God’s grace seems to be with you to do just that. Today many Christians, because of the hardness of our hearts, seem to think that divorce is totally acceptable if things get hard or is not what they expected. I love your reference to Dr. Munroe’s book, that because it is not God’s will we do not have within us the ability to deal with it. However, those around us have the ability to love us and restore us to the ministry of the spirit. I am wonderfully married to a wonderful woman; so I have never experienced divorce, yet I do understand the pain that any broken covenant, disappointment, and rejection can work a soul.

    Thank you!

    • Dwann Olsen says:

      Brian,

      Thanks so much for commenting. I really appreciate your thoughts and your verbal support. It’s wonderful to hear that you are TRULY happily married. Hooray! You are indeed correct, broken covenants are a huge disappointment that seem to constantly fuel the spirit of rejection. Thank God for HEALING though.
      As you are able, please spread the word about this blog and stop back often.

      Blessings to you and yours!
      Dwann

  15. Rachelle says:

    Dwann,

    I am so glad that I found this blog. Thank you, it really does help. I will share.

  16. Pam Choji says:

    Supporting the good works.

  17. Lisa P says:

    Thank you God for allowing me to find this blog! I have been seperated from my husband since the last of July due to his infidelity once again. We have been married for 16 years. He committed adultery at year 5 and again last year. These are the only two that I know of for sure. What hurts the most the is I learned of it after the death of my mother. He also said his cheating was my fault because I was disrespectful. He has not been remorseful and expected me to just brush it off. At this point in my life and walk with God, I know that I deserve to be with man that is as committed to God and his ways as he is to our marriage. I fight guilt because I have 3 beautiful children from this marriage. I had the benefit of having married parents. They were married for 57 years until my mothers sudden death. I still have love in my heart for my husband but no desire to reconcile. I do I deal with the feelings of guilt that I battle?

  18. Jason says:

    I have been standing for Reconciliation & Restoration for four years. God is FAITHFUL!

    I absolutely love Mr. Bob & Mrs. Charlyne’s loving, Biblical daily devotionals, and teachings.

    Glad to see you carrying the torch!

    Every Blessing in Him,

    Jason
    http://www.ChristHealthCenter.org

    • Dwann Olsen says:

      Hi Jason,

      Thanks for your comment. God Bless YOU as you continue STANDING. You are definitely in my prayers. I love the ChristHealthCenter. Used to live in B’ham years ago. Actually worked on-air at ABC 33/40.
      Be Blessed,

      Dwann

  19. Carole says:

    Dwann,
    Thank God for your blog and website. I, too, never thought I would find myself going through a divorce. After 20 years of marriage and serving the Lord with faithfulness and in every capacity I felt called for, my husband told me he was in love with another woman who was almost 20 years younger than me(I was 40) and that she was pregnant. My world was shattered and I wondered where God was in all of this. Thankfully today, 10 years later, I can testify that He was with me all along. In fact, I am leading a bible study on the book of Jonah called “An Interrupted Life” and it has allowed me to share how my life was interrupted and God refreshed and renewed my relationship with Him. I wish you luck and pray that your ministry will be used greatly to glorify the Lord.
    Be blessed,
    Carole

    • Dwann Olsen says:

      Carole,
      Forgive me for taking so long to respond. Somehow I wasn’t getting the updates from this site. But I had also taken a “break” from posting on this blog as well.
      I so appreciate your testimony! Wow! Thanks for visiting my site and for speaking blessings on the ministry. I do see God at work and I know I’m walking down the road that leads to my destiny.
      Blessings,
      Dwann

  20. Wendell says:

    Dwann,

    Thanks so much for taking the time to create this blog. Tonight I am really hurting.

    I have been separated from my wife for 11 months now, have four kids, and don’t really understand what is happening.

    I felt that I was happily married for 18 years when, over the period of a month, I noticed that she was behaving strangely. I started spending more than my usual time with her for the next month and finally confronted her on her behaviour. After a week of pushing her on this subject, she finally told me that she had reconnected with an old boyfriend, was in love with him, and that she hadn’t loved me for a long time — if ever.

    Needless to say, I was devastated, hurt, angry and didn’t know what to do. I just fell apart. She asked me to give her space to sort her feelings for this old boyfriend out, but I just couldn’t give her that space. She was my wife! We are both Christians! This shouldn’t be happending to us because we are Christians!

    Three days later, her brother came and picked her and the kids up and the rest is history.

    My faith in the Lord is what has kept me going. I have been blessed to have an outstanding pastor and a Christian counselor. I have been talking almost weekly to both of these men and am finally starting to understand what the Lord is possibly trying to tell me.

    Even I knew right away that this whole thing with an old boyfriend was not the core issue. I knew that it had to be something deeper. Even though my wife hasn’t spoken to me once since she filed for divorce (it is supposed to be final on April 5th), the Lord is now putting different books, people, and conversations in front of me that have giving me some illumination to what my wife is going through.

    I now can see where I haven’t met my wife’s emotional needs throughout our marriage. I wrongfully assumed that because there was peace in our house, then everything was fine. Needless to say, I was totally shocked when she told me what was going on. I have not been a very patient man and I believe this is one of the ways the Lord has been teaching me. I have prayed and humbled myself before Him for 11 months and He is finally starting to show me a lot of things.

    What I really am struggling with is how my wife could do this as a Christian. We both accepted Christ as our personal saviour when we were kids. We both grew up in Christian homes. We met at a Christian college and have both walked with the Lord over our entire 18 year marriage. Why did she just inform me that she was done with our marriage without even arguing about it? Why hasn’t she spoken to me for 11 months?

    I just feel so helpless watching my wife continue on the path that she chose. I wish that I could do something about it, but all I know what to do is to keep myself before the Lord and pray without ceasing.

    Thanks for letting me get all of this out.

    Wendell

    • Dwann Olsen says:

      Wendell,
      First off forgive me for taking so long to respond. Somehow I wasn’t getting the updates from this site. But I had also taken a “breakl” from posting on this blog as well.
      Secondly, I want you to know, I struggled with the same thoughts as a Christian and especially as an ordained minister of the Gospel. How could this be happening to me and my family and how could my spouse be exhibiting such non-Chrisitian-like behavior etc … It’s definitely been a struggle. But I’m so happy that I’m at PEACE and regardless, know that God is always in control.
      I too, had to look deeper and am grateful that I’ve found so many great faith-based and spirit-filled resources. It does get better and through it all GOD IS FAITHFUL.
      You are in my prayers.
      Dwann

  21. Shelly says:

    Hello Dwann

    Im glad that i have found this blog, i want to excuse me because my english is not that perfect but im working on it. I live in Colombia and I divorced last year i feel that it was a bad desition because i gave up on my marriage too soon.
    Next weekend was our 6th aniversary, we have been separated from eachother for a year. Last crishtmass i asked God to show me his will about my situation, and he did so im fighting now, praying to God and getting closser to his kingdom.
    God gave me the strengh and faith to go on, is not easy but every time i feel like crying there is my father God to hold me and now i can see his power in every aspect of my life.
    I thank God for this opportunity and I know there is purpose.
    Please pray for me and my husband Juan Carlos, we have two children and im beliving for a miracle.

    God bless you :)

    • Dwann Olsen says:

      Hello Shelly,
      Forgive me for taking so long to respond. Somehow I wasn’t getting the updates from this site. But I had also taken a “breakl” from posting on this blog as well. You are definitely in my prayers! Thanks for commenting on my blog. I appreciate it. Dwann

Leave a Reply